I'm back

So, its been a while. A new year is dawning, and new things are coming. 2008 is gonna be a hectic year, at work and outside work. You probably won't be hearing much from me cos I'll be busy busy busy!

December is a month of weddings. Wait, correction, 3 weddings in one week! Ya I'm 2/3 of the way there and I'm like gonna explode from all that food already. So far its been pretty good food and unique dishes that I don't see everyday, so its not like I'm eating the same 'ol chinese dishes everytime. Even for shark's fin they manage to cook it in so many different ways, interesting huh?

Well, at Raymen and Kat's wedding just now there was this lady singing jazz. Her voice was absolutely fantastic OMG! You can find out more about her on this website: www.joannadong.com. She's quite young and she dances too, full time! And she performs at a local pub. It's not easy finding a good lounge/pub with great live music that you can sit there and enjoy all day. I used to hang out at Paulaner's but they changed singers and its not as good now. Then there is Wala Wala on thursday nights with Shirlyn, but it often gets too crowded to sit haha. And she's kinda punk rock, so once in a while is good, but not so often. Of course one of the best places I've been is Divine Wine at Parkview Square. That place is always the best lounge for a date, though its quite pricey and atas, must dress up to go in one!

I'm gonna have to pick up the pace of my workouts to stay fit during the wining and dining of this festive season. I also find that staying fit helps me handle lotsa stress and multi-tasking. I'm pretty much learning few different things at work and outside work at the same time, its kinda driving me crazy. Someone told me that I'm not as quick and smart as in Uni days anymore, so probably its tougher. I'm not so sure about that, I think I'm quicker and smarter than I can ever be, and definitely better than a fresh grad! Maybe a little rusty sometimes though.... haha

It's 2am and I should be sleeping and not thinking so much haha. I've not been sleeping so well lately and I think I know why, too much chinese tea! been drinking tea all night at weddings and even regular dinner outings too. It's probably too much caffeine than I am supposed to take argh. Well, I'll probably read the news or something then.

Its a pity how Bhutto got assassinated. Yesterday morning I saw her in the news rallying exposed on top of her car and I actually was wondering how she manages to stay safe, and if she's gonna get another attempt on her life. And by evening she's dead. Sigh, violence is everywhere these days. Yet people seem more worried about the sub-prime crisis.....

Hell runneth over

"Bravo Platoon 4, charge!!!!"

Out of the jungle we ran, adrenaline rushing, all ready to fight. Once out in the open we found ourselves knee deep in mud, directly facing a heavy machine gun. tat-tat-tat-tat-tat, one by one my platoon mates fell all around me, stuck in the mud!

"Platoon 4 pull back, retreat!" Damn, we started to turn around. "Never mind, Platoon 4 press on, move ahead, charge!!!" Shucks, turn around again and run!

By the time we made it across, whole platoon down, only 3 persons alive, including myself of course because I was at the back. But we're not done yet. Have to cross another stretch of road. "Okay, on my count, 1, 2, 3, go go go!"

We run across the road to the other side. Just as we step foot "arty arty take cover!!!!!" And there went the rest of the platoon.....

4 days of living hell are finally over. You have no idea what it was like, and probably never want to know haha. I'm so glad to have survived and booked out early so I can go home and surf the net peacefully on a friday night! ;)

ATEC

Tomorrow morning is ATEC Stage 2 -- the final battle. In 4 days it will be over, only the toughest will survive...

Hooah!

reservist

I'm out for the weekend. This week's reservist training wasn't that bad, but next week is going to be a living hell!
I hope I make it out alive, stay tuned....

Amazing grace

Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see.

Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.

These words have always brought me comfort since I was a kid. I used to hum the tune when I was swimming alone long distance in the pool in the evening. I remember when it was cold and it was dark and I felt something might happen at the deep end when nobody was looking. But these words brought me comfort and everything was fine.

It has been difficult to find happiness in the little things. Well I guess there are no big things to start with, so I'll settle for the little ones. Often it just feels so easy to slide into the shadow of darkness that I'd never seen before. Oftentimes I can't imagine that I'd ever see the light. And frankly, I can't believe what has become of me.

But I'm happy for the support that I've received. Happy for the people who read this blog during the 6 months or so that it was not active (ok lah, I know you all got RSS feed, but thanks anyway!). Happy for the friends that love me not just for who I am but because they care about me.

People say life is tough. But think of the carnage in Sudan. Think of the 250 people who died in Pakistan when Benazir Bhutto arrived. Think about Chechnya. Think about Baghdad. Congo. Aung San Suu Kyi. Life is not tough, we are more privileged that anyone can ever be! Life is good, and it is worth living to the fullest!

Dance like no one's watching. Sing like nobody's listening. Blog like nobody's reading. Love until it hurts and don't expect anything in return. Cry those tears out till the rivers overflow and they turn to tears of joy. Live like there is no tomorrow. And when tomorrow comes there's a new happiness awaiting.

Fiat Lux, let there be light.

Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.....

Inspirational thoughts

clothes

I've just bought a lot of clothes lately, and it has cost me. Well, nice new clothes are always good to look pretty in I guess. :P

Now I'm just wondering if I should get that new pair of leather shoes....

I went jogging just now. Clocked 32mins and 41 seconds. I think the last time was 32 mins and 10 seconds or something. So it looks like I'm not really improving. Funny thing is, I was really energetic today! Well, except for that last round... But I really thought I'd make better time.

So, counting down, just a few more days.... (to the weekend, or?)

;)

Initiative

Just read this somewhere, pretty inspirational:

It’s a cliché to say that every journey begins with the first step, yet it is still true. Talent-plus people don’t wait for everything to be perfect to move forward. They don’t wait for all the problems or obstacles to disappear. They don’t wait until their fear subsides. They take initiative. They know a secret that good leaders understand: momentum is their friend. As soon as they take that first step and start moving forward, things become a little easier. If the momentum gets strong enough, many of the problems take care of themselves and talent can take over. But it starts only after you’ve taken those first steps.

Every cloud has a silver lining

Today's sermon:

Lord, Give me the serenity to accept what I cannot change,
Give me the courage to change what I can,
And give me the wisdom to tell the difference.

The past month or so has probably been the most turbulent time of my life. Things were tough, and it was difficult to be happy, or to move on.

Well, it turns out there really is a silver lining. Good things come so fast that you don't even have time to reflect and think about it. And when you see the golden moment, life after all is not so bad, not so bad....

Its 4am

It's 4am right now. I've just spent the entire night playing "call of duty" when i should've been doing some work or at least something else more constructive.
Playing games was supposed to take away the emptiness, lighten up my feelings and take away the stress. But it didn't help much. It's 4am and I can barely sleep.
I thought going out all day everyday would help, but it didn't either. Nor did eating cheesecakes 2 days in a row...
How can one be happy? Is there any shortcut? Happiness seems like a distant feeling now. Perhaps I am not capable of it.
A good friend told me it feels like dragging a huge rock along with you. but you gotta keep dragging and somehow someday the rock will be lifted and you'll see the light.
Would I do it all over again even if I knew it would be like that? Probably I would.
I guess life has its bottoms sometimes, and it can only move upwards from here right?
I hope....

Boulevard of broken dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Welcome to my life

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

Horoscope

I never believe much in horoscopes. Maybe it's because the good things they predict never really turn out to be true! Well, anyway, since my birthday is coming up, I figured this weeks horoscope may be worth mentioning:

A close friend or family member is holding back on you, and you should do what you can to draw them out. It could be that they're embarrassed or in denial, but your gentle persistance should do the trick.

Chitty chitty bang bang

Chitty chitty bang bang! The fireworks pop as the last lights go off. And soon after the happiest period of my life is over. So what follows next? Misery? Emptiness? Or the calm in the eye of the storm?

Is it so difficult to just want to be happy? Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is all we long for and all we dream for. But yet sometimes happiness has to be given up for a greater good. I never thought there could be any greater good....

Happiness comes gradually but ends abruptly, its just like the stock market. Did you see how the STI rose to record highs steadily and come crashing down within 2 weeks? It's like an avalanche crushing down on you, breaking your bones and squeezing the soul out of your body! Just when you thought you were reaching 7th heaven skiing down the black diamond....

Its past 5am and the radio is playing "i wish that i could turn back the clock". How appropriate, turn back the clock and slo mo the good times while skipping the bad ones!

On hindsight I never thought I could be that happy, so at least now I know its possible. Life goes on but it could never be the same again...

Why does the sun go on shining?
Why does the sea touch the sky?
Don't they know, it's the end of the world.....

sigh, I'm so fucked up...

4th of July

It's the time of the year again:

Oh say can U C
By the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hail
At the twilight's last gleaming
Whose broad stripes and bright stars
Through the perilous fight
Over the ramparts we watched
Were so gallantly streaming

And the rockets BLUE glare
The bombs bursting in air
Gave proof through the night
That our flag was still there
Oh say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free
And the home of the BEARS!!!

Go bears! :P